My Dad left his broken body and joined his sweet savior in heaven in the early hours Monday morning. 12:56 to be exact. I was sitting with him, everyone else was just going to bed and I came in for my shift. It had been a bad day. Lots of getting sick and changing clothes. When I got home from church, Mom and Gongy had dressed him in a t-shirt that I gave him, one of our business tshirts. He looked so handsome. Emmabeth and I were getting the living room all situated, Mom was asleep on the floor at the foot of Dad's chair and Emmabeth was getting a cushion from the library to put on the floor behind the couch for he bed. She had just settled down and I checked Dad's breathing to see how slow it was. He took a breath and exhaled and I waited. He had been going 60-80 second without breathing for about a week off and on, but when we got to a minute, I got up. I checked his pulse, but I could only feel my own. My heart was pounding. I woke Mom and Emily up. I put my hand in front of his mouth and I felt air against my hand. A moment later, I realized it was only the oxygen pumping through his nose. Two minutes. Emily went to gather the family, Gt, his wife Han and BK, and his girlfriend Gabby and we all waited. I'm not sure what we were waiting for, I knew he was gone. He just wasn't there anymore. He was gone. We all sat quietly, all of us were so thankful for his passing into glory that sadness didn't creep in until much later. My hubs, Gt and Han and I went to the house where the little kids were staying with Gongy, my grandmother, and several aunts and uncles. We woke up the adults first and let them come over. Then we got up the kids and explained to them that Daddy was gone. It was so hard. Paye was asleep when Gt told him, so when he came to me and heard me talking to the girls he began to cry and asked "Did Daddy die?" The kids asked such sweet questions: "Will Daddy sleep in heaven?" "Is Daddy with Kate?" "Does Daddy eat food in heaven?" "Does Daddy still have a black eye in heaven?" "What did his body look like in heaven?" After a little while, we brought them over to see Dad's body. To know what he looked like when he died. He had died with his mouth open and Mom had closed it while we were across the street and it looked like he was smiling. Heaven is a wonderful place.
The funeral was yesterday. I chose not to go to church this morning because I thought it would be too hard for me to go and sit where we have sat with Dad for 4 years and not see him. But I think it was harder for me to stay home and sit on the couch where I have sat every Sunday for about 4 months with no Dad in his chair. We always talked on those Sunday mornings when it was just the two of us. We talked about important things and we talked about golf. Some of my most precious memories are of my Sunday mornings with Dad. It was on a Sunday morning a few weeks ago that Dad told me I needed to help take care of all of the kids, especially Emmabeth. I told him that I would and that I would take care of Mom. He laughed. "You mother doesn't need taking care of, she will be fine." And you know what? She is. Dad was always right.
I think most people say their final goodbyes at the funeral and I would be lying if I said there wasn't a finality to the casket being carried to the graveside on the hill. But we had already said our goodbyes. And he was gone. So as I write this, I am finished with all goodbyes. He is in heaven and he is whole and well again. And even though I miss him, my dad, my hero, my best friend, I know that I will see him again.
Love.
